I’ve always been thinking that I have time. That there will always be another tomorrow. The day when I actually start planning and doing instead of dreaming and wishing. That there will be the day, somewhere in the future, when I suddenly feel like I’m doing what I want to.
I have been imagining that day so beautiful. I’ve been convincing myself that on that one miraculous day I won’t have any regrets or worries. One day. But not just yet.
I’ve been telling myself these lies for a long time. I’ve been living in my dream and it has differed from my real life, a lot. And if someone had asked me why, I wouldn’t have known what to reply. There’s no reason but the fear of the unknown. The fear of failure.
I once bumped into Buddha’s quote that says: ”The problem is, you think you have time.” By reading those words I realised that there’s no one in this world who knows what I want better than I do. There’s no one who could possibly tell me what to do, and there’s no one who could force me to live in a place where I don’t feel like home.
The moment I realised that the results I see now are only based on my earlier actions, I felt both disappointed and free. Still, there, in the middle of the greyness, I saw the light for the first time in a long time. I felt I had found back home. If there’s nothing I couldn’t try, then why shouldn’t I?
You think you have time. What a beautiful statement. What if you knew you only had a few months or a year left? Would things be different? Would you still work for the same company? Would you like to travel more, or would you perhaps like to record an album? Why don’t you do that then?
After I had read those words I also realised, I want to be even more true to myself. I want to work so that I move towards my goals and desires. And despite the obstacles I have in my mind, I want to have the courage to try.
I don’t know if you have had similar thoughts, but I’ve been noticing that many of us are just living like robots. We do things we think we have to and be with the people we are sometimes just used to be with. We go to places we don’t really want to, just because it is the way we are supposed to do. We exercise because we are told to do so. We go to coffee places to drink something trendy, only to take an amazing picture of ourselves enjoying life to the fullest. We live a life we are told to, and we follow the paths we are showed to.
But the question is if that is something that really matters to you. Are the things you are spending your time and effort the ones that put a smile on your face, even though there’s no one to tell about it or no one to show it?
Who gets to decide that the way they are living is the way you want to live your life? Who says it’s not your time to start doing the things you really want to? Who says you can’t do it? Well, you do.
I know, it’s hard to admit that we stand in our own way. But the day you start believing in yourself, you can do whatever you want to, my friend.
<3 By Ulrika